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Post I made on a message board. - In Soviet Russia, Hell goes to YOU! — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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Post I made on a message board. [Jun. 25th, 2008|02:59 am]
heyouniverse
Yes, I know this is lazy blogging, but I am lazy and wanted to share a bit of activity on a local message board.

Thread: Has America had its own Sartre?
OP: Honest question.

Guy A: don't laugh - Carl Sagan

Guy B,C,D: Yes! No! Blah Blah Blah Rabble Rabble

Me: Don't laugh: Cookie Monster

Guy A: If you're going that route... Mr. Rogers woulda been a better bet imo

Me: Well, sir, your "o" is clearly wrong, and obviously you do not understand the subtleties of MT (Monster theory, for the unfortunate philosophically uninitiated) Cookie monster's blue exterior is an obvious symbolic external manifestation of his inner state of being. He is afflicted with a (brilliantly) unnamed, mysterious and detrimental state of mind, and his only method of confronting it has finally become the all-comforting, all-satisfying, all-delicious escape from the horrors of post-modern pseudo-nihilism: the almighty cookie.

Even his name speaks volumes. He has reached a point in his life where the cookie has replaced any meaningful relationship he has ever had. The cookie is his best friend. The cookie is his motivation. The cookie has taken all the humanity he might have ever had. The cookie is his heart and soul. He is no longer the cookie man. He is no longer even the cookie person. He is the cookie monster, the horrific shell that has been left behind after his every scrap of humanity has been annihilated.

It would seem that the monster believes that the cookies can save him, but an analysis of his grammar quickly reveals the truth. He is unable to refer to himself in the first person. (e.g. I want a cookie.) He understands the horror he has become, and must substitute a direct-object pronoun in order to express his intent, in order to function without going insane from the shame and guilt. ME want cookie. The subtext of the expression of his desire is clear:

Me want cookie.
Me need help.
Me have no control over own life when value of human existence is extinguished in modern technocracy.

Guy A, you must come to the horrifying realization that you, by virtue of your existence, by virtue of your post modern life, want cookie too.

Do you want cookie, Livejournal?

Do you NEED. Cookie?
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